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"Why not?" is not the answer one expects from one's analytical mind, but I kept getting that.My Tim. I saw him bare-chested in swim trunks the first day I met him. Blew my skirt up. Floated my boat. Rang my bell. Not one of those guys you see on the front cover of a romance novel. His muscles don't bulge, but he's not fat, he's just fit-looking. And the short hair and blue eyes. And when he smiles, he gets these little crinkles in the corners of his eyes. And he smiles a lot. And brings me right along with him. So that's the physical attraction. Not one of those wormy faux-poet/musician types. Not one of those 'full of himself' jock types. Just MY Tim. Knows who he is. And comfortable with it.The guy's an engineer. KNOWS things. First time we talked, it was like sitting next to a powerful engine while it idled. I could tell from the way he turned a phrase that he was no dummy. And when I jabbed, he jabbed back. Sense of humor. And not 'fart joke' humor. Nope! Puns. Plays on words. I. I value her advice. I should have listened to it."She told me I was crazy to even think of having an affair. She told me that you were the perfect husband and I should value that above anything else. She told me that if ... when you found out ... I wouldn't be able to control the consequences. She was right of course."In my own confused mind I thought that if I told you what I wanted to do, you would understand somehow. I didn't want to go behind your back. I didn't want to deceive you. I never for a moment wanted to humiliate or belittle you. It just never entered my mind. But I did, didn't I. I did humiliate and belittle you. Just telling you what I wanted was enough, wasn't it."I looked at Howard carefully. I don't know what kind of reaction I expected, but he remained calm and composed. I pushed on."I don't know how to tell you how ashamed I am of what I have done to you and how sorry I am. I know an apology is not enough. Ginny has recommended a psychiatrist that she says can.
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